How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
