I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize