I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
