but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
