Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
