If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
