my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
