Whod you bang
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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