Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize