Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
