I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
