dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
