Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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