There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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