I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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