Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
