So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
