and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
