forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
