i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Shame - the story of my life.
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