At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
