he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
