i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
