THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize