he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
