i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize