All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
