Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
