Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
