I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
zippers are such a cool invention
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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