My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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