Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
