i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
