Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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