OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i've created a new STD.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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