community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
