farters have to be the big spoon...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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