So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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