Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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