I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
