guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
