Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
