I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
