I think my fart just growled at me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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