I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
