i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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