So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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