Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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