I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
