im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
