My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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