Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
