An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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