I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
