Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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