??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
