i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
