I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
