When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
