Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I could make wine with my vomit
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
