We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
