Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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