Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
