I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
