normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
