how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
