Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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