I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
