Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
