I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize