Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
