Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
