at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
