What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
