i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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