You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
