Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
