i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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