I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
