You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
