never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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