But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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