She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
