I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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