oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
