This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
