Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
