So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
