Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
farters have to be the big spoon...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
