found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
