My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
