please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
