At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize