Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
