I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
