Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
