I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
