don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
