so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
