dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
