Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
