Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
