i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
