guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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