I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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