I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
