I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize