I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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