I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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