why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
