he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
