never play flip cup with pint glasses
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize