Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
